The Absolutely Serious Terms of Use
For the "Nagasaki Sunrise" webpage (a.k.a. The Dawn of Extremely Devastating Noise)
1. Acceptance of Unbelievable Conditions
By merely glancing at this page, you agree to be monitored by seventeen invisible ninjas, three highly caffeinated red army spies, and a suspiciously well-dressed atomic panda. You have also consented to the possibility of spontaneous enlightenment at atomic sunrise hours.
2. Classified Secrecy Protocols
You must not, under any circumstances, disclose the location of the Hidden Scroll of Warheads or the password to the Secret Trench Breakfast Society. Breach of this rule will result in mandatory meditation and mild embarrassment at your own expenses.
3. User Conduct
Users must not engage in excessive drama, whisper "conspiracy" more than three times in a mirror, or attempt to duel ghosts of war with a katana sword. Repeat offenders will be tickled by honor-bound ferrets and sent to work camps in Mongolia.
4. Intellectual Property Rights
All content, including suspicious Tankus, belong to the Department of Sunrise Propaganda (D.O.S.P.). Unauthorized replication may summon a polite but firm sensei to stare disapprovingly at you.
5. Termination Clause
Your access may be revoked at any moment, especially if:
- You accidentally achieve true inner peace.
- You ask too many questions about sunrise.
- You defeat the final boss whilst not playing Disclose singles.
6. Disclaimer of Reality
The Nagasaki Sunrise Page may contain mild traces of fiction, exaggeration, and theatrical paranoia. Any resemblance to actual military, mystical, or breakfast organizations is purely coincidental (and definitely classified).